the otherwhirled

alright… since Freida (freakin) Bee said i have to….

(i kid, i kid….i actually enjoy some of these meme things, or i wouldn’t participate. i just have to maintain the semblance of acerbic asshole, after all. it goes with the name).

teh rulz: Write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND—and this is important, hence the use of capitalization and bold—ONE of them (AND ONLY FECKING ONE OF THEM, YA LAZY BASTIDS) must come from your tagger’s list. (and i’m goddamn serious about that shit, okay? if the likes of commander other can can follow teh rulz, you sure as hell can. understood? good. i thought so!!!)

Now, in Commander Other’s opinion, that means you only get to use the title of one of your tagger’s items. If you don’t jazz up the content of the course offering sufficiently, it is possible that Commander Other will suddenly appear on your front door-step, asking to audit your lazy-minded, plagiaristic course!!!

NOTE: i was trying to finish this up yesterday when this happened. sorry to be so behind on this.

OtherWhirled University (a.k.a. Oral Wobbits Uniworsity)

New Undergraduate Course Offerings

Please be advised of these new course offerings here at OWU. Some are required courses for any Major, and others are new requirements for your specific Major. Any questions or comments should be referred to your Academic Counselor, priest, pastor, or parents, but the latter only if they contribute enough money to the University for us to listen to them.

USURPING THE DOMINANT PARADIGM (Business 401)

School of Business Management

3 credits. MWF: 11:00a.m.–2:00p.m.
Learn how to avoid working for “the man” while maintaining your “personal dignity”. Prepare for a future of having way too many bosses (also referred to as “clients”) who completely fail to grasp the client-vendor relationship, as opposed to one boss who simply misunderstands your experience, talents, and needs. Usurping the Dominant Paradigm will teach you how to juggle the fine points of marketing yourself; how to perform your own accounts-receivable services; how to avoid collection agencies; how to respectfully inform you local Chamber of Commerce and Better Business Bureau about the fact that they are completely useless (the former because it only meets on nights when one or more of your children have some sort of extra-curricular activity scheduled, and the latter because it exists, quite literally, to do nothing but take your money); how to conduct client meetings from somewhere other than your home office; how to schedule client services and still pretend to be an interested, effective parent; and potentially (if class-time allows) how to actually conduct the business you claim to offer. This course is offered only to senior students who have heretofore shown exemplary competence in the Business curricula, and should adequately serve to forestall any unwarranted delusions of grandeur, and so that the University can reap the fullest financial benefit of your impending change of Major. The class is available over the lunch hour three days a week, because if you’re serious about working for yourself, you might as well get used to not having lunch.

THE HERDING OF CATS (Multi-Discipline)

School of General Studies

3 credits if, and only if, you survive. MWF: 3:00p.m.-Sunset
The Herding of Cats is a dynamic and exciting course offered to students majoring in Sports Management, Business Management, Fine Art Production, Manufacturing & Engineering Management, Food Services Management, Nursing Management, and just about any other management-track field of study wherein students will eventually be expected to bring together completely diverse and unwilling personalities towards some supposedly-interesting common goal. Classes start promptly at 3:00p.m. at pre-arranged locations around campus, decided upon by attendees during the prior class. As a result, this is also a great class for learning small-team management, because no one ever shows up at the same time and location. The class continues on through sunset while the disparate teams attempt to locate each other while simultaneously miscommunicating their plans to herd the campus’ population of stray cats together in one location without causing the death of any cats or students. Classes typically end with a memorial service for students lost during the previous week. Students are required to provide their own cat toys and catnip, and a contest is held each semester with awards for “Most Scratches and Bites Resulting in Medical Attention”, “Most Memorial Services Attended”, and “Most Cats Actually Sited”.

QUANTUM METAPHYSICS (Philosophy 405, Physics 307)

Schools of Philosophy and Mathematics

3 credits, if observed and if the moon is in your seventh house. TH: 2:00p.m.-5:00p.m.
Were we to describe this course offering, it would cease to exist in this time-space continuum, and the faculty would receive a negative karmic rating. Suffice it to say that experience in any metaphysical discipline offered at OWU (Tarot, Runes, Aroma Therapy, Astrology or Politics) is a required prerequisite to this course, but given the quantum nature of the Universe, these prerequisites can be completed after successful graduation from the Undergraduate Program, or even death. Instructors may or may not be available for this course. Because Quantum Metaphysics should not be taken sober, it is available only to adult students.

VERBAL MASTURBATION (Journalism, 101, 131, 201, 231, 301, 331, 401, 431)

School of Punditry

6 credits: requires particular duplicity and self-contradiction in coursework; 3 credits: if coursework consists of simple demagoguery Sundays: 8:00a.m.-12:00p.m.
Students truly interested in a career in Journalism are required to take this course every semester. In Verbal Masturbation, students learn how to pleasure their overinflated egos while simultaneously conforming to the whims and desires of the controlling political party or corporation as relevant to the “journalistic investigation” at hand. This course will prepare you for guest appearances on Sunday Morning Talk Shows where you will ingratiate yourself with the current political party or corporate regime while misconstruing various facts, misreporting circumstances surrounding any criminal investigation of affiliated politicians or corporate managers, misinterpreting poll data, and misattributing any past successes of “the other party” or competitive organization to the current party or company, all through the magic of self-aggrandizement, self-flattery, self-infatuation, and self-contradiction. A working familiarity with demagoguery, self-righteousness, denial, and unequivocal partisanship will aid students in the successful completion of this course. The University supplies knee pads and lip-balm to all students during the first semester each year.

MORAL DUPLICITY FOR PROGRESSIVE THINKERS (Philosophy 251)

School of Philosophy

3 credits, TH: 9:00a.m.-12:00p.m.
In this increasingly dichotomous world where progress is repeatedly stalled by conservative fear-mongering, it is important for the progressive student to understand the inner workings of his or her conservative counterparts. Moral Duplicity for Progressive Thinkers prepares students for interactions with these types of individuals by revealing their dependence upon the various forms of conservative litany: fear, religion, the false sense of entitlement, and world domination. Students will learn the history of moral duplicity in the context of its various failures in American and world politics, and will be taught to recognize its various permutations in the politics of today. Extra credit can be gained in this course by refusing to complete any of the required coursework in favor of participating in conservative campus campaigns, but the University also recognizes how morally duplicitous that would actually be and does not directly encourage such behavior.

teh ones tagged: seeing as how i was out all day yesterday and didn’t manage to post this until this morning, consider yourself tagged if you want to participate. after i have some time to poke about teh innernets and see who hasn’t done this yet, i’ll amend this post with a special, just-for-you list.