the otherwhirled

The secret person who was selected for me by those nefarious simian twins has a name that begins with “D” and rhymes with “elia”. This anonymous individual seems to be a cool person, and her blog is rather interesting. I was, of course, disappointed to find yet another blog that should have been on my blogroll all along, as “impeachment and other dreams” is certainly a worthy read. Knowing I had found something similar to a soul-mate without necessarily being one, I pondered deeply what I should get this person over several days, finally realizing that we were about to leave for our Christmas vacation in about an hour and I’d better get off my ass and really do something. So, here it goes. This one’s for you, Secret Santa whose name starts with “D” and rhymes with “elia”!

Now, I do photos for a living, so I felt that photos would be a bit trite. After all, I do photos for a living. Yesterday, I took over 1200 photos at a wedding. I figured Delia didn’t need any more pictures. So, since long, long ago, I got my start at all this web stuffy from the desktop publishing community, I thought….CLIP ART!!! W00T! Who can’t use a handy clip-art or two?

Oh, damn. I went and revealed her name already. Bah. That’s probably because one of the groomsmen last night kept getting me glasses of merlot. Darn kids. Anyway….

Your first gift, Delia, is a replacement for that president we wish we didn’t have. I figure, this steaming pile of turd could easily do a better job of fucking things up for us, with a few improvements:

• this turd doesn’t mispronounce words or people’s names
• this turd doesn’t side-step questions from reporters with inane banter
• hell, this turd doesn’t even talk!
• and, as a special bonus, this turd can be lit on fire inside a paper bag and left on the front porch of your not-so-favorite shit of a politician!

But, you know. A steaming pile of turd isn’t much of a Christmas present, is it? I certainly couldn’t leave your Christmas at that. So, Delia, I offer you an old Commander Other favorite:

“The Happy Fun Time^® Love Doll™ Company (a subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc.) is proud to announce the new American Dream™ Love Doll™, featuring movable arms and a special voice synthesizer that is capable of repeating Republican Talking Points simultaneously with presumably Democratic Ideals.”

This is a once-in-a-lifetime gift, Delia. Supplies of this special-edition Love Doll™ are limited!

Lastly, Dear Delia, something that’s truly nice for you. You can consider it a stocking stuffer, or anything else you might like! It might be a nice upgrade to the photograph you have of her on your blog. Besides, it’ll be fun to see if Maxim ever notices I stole their photo for you.

Damn. That was a photo. I looked at a photograph today. Actually several. And picked one. There truly is no justice in this world…..

Merry Christmas, Delia. I hope you get some time to do something fun!