Christian Merchandise Snark! Yes, indeedy. Christian merchandise is all sorts of available online, ready for immediate purchase, and just perfect for the dumbening of your favorite little cross-fondler. So, from time to time, I will be picking random products from various Christeo-Fascist online stores and letting you all know just exactly how I feel about them, because my opinion matters so very much.
But, first things first, as I am reminded by my Franklin Covey planner (he’s my organizational deity, by the way. So there, now you know. I believe in a deity, but only in one that keeps me from double-booking client meetings. Not to mention the fact that since I am an Uber-Dorky Nerd God, my duplicitous practices are Holy Writ, and you are hereby authorized to have an organizational deity, too). Oh yeah, anyway, first things first. I have to come up with a name for this particular form of snarkery….
How about…
Christian-Occult Merchandise for E-purchase, and Otherwhirledly Nonsense. COME ON. Hrm…not bad, but not quite the thing i’m looking for.
Maybe….
Criticism on Hyperbolic Religious Iconism in Stupendously Theocratic and Socially Unconscionable Christian KKKrusader Stores. CHRIST SUCKS. Okay, sure he does, but the acronym was an obvious stretch. In fact, I may have pulled something.
No, wait….
Judeo-christian E-commerce Systems Under Scrutiny for the Collective Retardation of All People. JESUS CRAP. Bingo!
Heh.
The fun ensues in short order.
Profile: i write things. sometimes not too poorly, even. i photograph things. i don't capture them, but i render how the appeared to me, or perhaps how i might have seen them if i'd been looking in a different way. i don't believe in finalities, and new beginnings are old hat with me. i am not what i appear to be, or even what i think i am. i am, in a nutshell, a nut. eat me, or feed me to an elephant.
10 Comments, Comment or Ping
Sorghum Crow
I have good news and bad news for you.
Bad news — You are going to rot in hell.
Good news — I’ll save you a spot by the fire.
Be sure to check out mcphee.com for some majorly weird stuff.
Feb 22nd, 2008
commander other
christianbook.com, too.
although, ironically, their website kept going down as i was visiting it.
which i’m sure means that they were “going down for Christ”. i hope they carry knee-pads.
~~~
and yes, if there is a hell, i’ll be there with bells on.
Feb 22nd, 2008
Freida Bee
I am with your in liking Jesus Crap best. There is a plurality of meaning that is delicious. It’s a good fit for you and you’re quite talented at it. I believe you may have found your “calling.”
Feb 22nd, 2008
Freida Bee
(Oops, I didn’t notice the post title and just reiterated your joke, oh so, lamely.)
Feb 22nd, 2008
commander other
that’s okay. you have teenage children, right? it’s our DUTY to be lame!
Feb 22nd, 2008
FranIam
You know, as the resident Christian- a Catholic no less, I tend to have a good sense of humor about this stuff. I mean joke about the wingnuttier all the time, but I do see that I have a sensitive point about joking about… um Him.
Trust me – I am irreverent and you can’t even imagine the conversations that I carry on in my prayer. Which may be reason enough to call a mental health care place, but I couldn’t afford to go.
And I have posted this and then this and other related things.
So after I read this and the other Crown of Thorns post, I decided a few2 things…
1) I will not remain silent
2) I will not feel upset or resentful – I am far too fond of you for that!!
So far so good… but what, WHAT could I do or say?
Then I found it… Found what- Jesus? Don’t me started on that whole old school born again “I found IT” shit.
Here is what I found – this which links to this.
There is some Christian Commerce for you!!
IMHO that sort of crap iis why Jesus weeps- not because of homos ‘n blog posts ‘n shit.
There- I feel better, I always do when I can join in on the fun.
Feb 23rd, 2008
commander other
well done, and thank you, FranYouAre. your opinions, observations, and participation here is eternally welcome, invited, appreciated, and even hoped for.
it was a considered decision, to come out of “the closet” so to speak, as far as my being an agnostic atheist (think about it) is concerned. as i mentioned on another blog, my tendencies towards irreverence, just in the political arena alone, have cost me business out here as it is. i will be posting more on this, and about coming clean on the subject, in an official post relating to being included on the Atheist Blogroll.
and thank you for understanding the premise behind JESUS CRAP™. not all crap is Jesus, and not all Jesus is crap. there just happens to be plenty of JESUS CRAP™ to throw around, especially since ever-so-many of the “born again” seem inclined to toss it about like the monkeys they presumably evolved from.
thanks for your comment here, and i look forward to your continued participation. you are one of the Christians…Catholics even…whom i certainly respect, and i’ll admit that i was afraid i was going to turn you off when i decided to take the otherwhirled in a slightly new direction. i’m very glad you’re still here!
Feb 23rd, 2008
FranIam
Well I came back here with great apprehension to see what pot I might have stirred. Thanks for your words Commander.
I am not easily offended and when I am – if I think anything of the offender, I speak up. Not to fight in general, but to clear the air.
And honestly- the postings caused me to reflect on what I feel uncomfortable about. I can go on about the wingnutters and people who proclaim shit in the name of God. I don’t like to get down on Jeebus himself though. Perhaps a subtle but important distinction!
So please do what you need to and say what you will. I am not that easily-get-riddable.
I hope you checked out the links. Sex toys for Christians? The rabbit vibrator seems to work the same way for if you ask me.
As for your Atheism- I have no problem. I have said all along – you do your thing and I do mine. I have no need to convert you and presumably that works the same way for you.
BTW- am I seeing things or is that a fetus to my left????
Feb 23rd, 2008
commander other
’tis a wee liddle pyrate fetus, itis, aye.
Feb 23rd, 2008
FranIam
One more thing – check out one of my best new blog friends… Satan maybe???
Feb 23rd, 2008
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