photo credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola

“According to January sales records released today by the Happy Fun-Time^® Company, nationwide sales of the Huckabilly™ Love Doll™ appear to be on the rise, with the most marked increase ranging across southern states. A company spokesperson, who asked to remain anonymous, attributed the recent increase in sales to the fact that the former governor’s mouth is ‘a whole lot purdier than that wife of his.’”

photo credit: Chip East/Reuters

“The Happy Fun-Time® Company is pleased to announce the release of its new Bust-A-Move Bill™ line of posable action figures. Bust-A-Move Bill™ is available for the exchange of three carbon credits and a semi-automatic weapon.”

commander other’s note: i’m not really in any way opposed to the Clinton Global Initiative. i simply realized on visiting their website and watching some of the video from this third annual meeting that a hell of a lot of their money is being spent on venue, backdrops, and other things which don’t directly do much at all to support the causes they claim to support. these annual meetings could easily take place in more cost-effective locations. just sayin’—and yes, i realize it’s a terribly easy point to nit-pick, since this is pretty much how everyone does these supposedly world-beneficial things.

“The Happy Fun Time^® Love Doll™ Company (a subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc.) is proud to announce the new American Dream™ Love Doll™, featuring movable arms and a special voice synthesizer that is capable of repeating Republican Talking Points simultaneously with presumably Democratic Ideals.”

The Happy Fun-Time^® Love Doll™ Company (a subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc.) was forced to issue a complete recall on over one million copies of the General Petraeus Love Doll™, when it was discovered by purchasers across the country that literally every copy of the Love Doll™ had been previously used.

“Industry analysts predict that sales of the John Edwards Love Doll™ will continue to rise towards the end of the year, but probably not enough to cover his expenses.”

“Engineers still struggle with the ‘most marketable’ configuration for the King George the Worst™ Love Doll^®. Shipment dates continue to slip past projections.”