The Sarah Palin Luv Doll™: She won't say "No", and she'll never make you wear a condom

In the 32-year history of Focus on the Family, we have offered prayer, counseling and resource assistance to tens of thousands of parents and children in the same situation the Palins are now facing. We have always encouraged the parents to love and support their children and always advised the girls to see their pregnancies through, even though there will of course be challenges along the way. That is what the Palins are doing, and they should be commended once again for not just talking about their pro-life and pro-family values, but living them out even in the midst of trying circumstances.

Wow, that was a fine bit of verbal masturbation, wasn’t it? Sarah Palin’s family is “living out” the pro-family conservative christian ideals? Certainly, I’ll buy the pro-life stance, after all, Palin herself claims that if her own daughter were raped, she “would choose life”. In other words, Palin believes in something that not even the dumbasses I’m surrounded by in South Dakota would tolerate back in the 2006 election: pro-life legislation with no exception for rape, incest or the safety of the impregnated.

It’s a great campaign strategy from my perspective. I mean, if they really don’t want the die-hard Hillary followers voting for the McCain out of spite against the way the Democratic Primary went, there’s really no better way than to tell the whole lot of them that they’re only useful for growing babies and casting anti-Obama spite votes. Brilliant. I doubt that whoever thought that one up will be putting it on his or her resume after the campaign fails this November.

Unless of course that particular decision was made by the dusty, half-embalmed remains of McCain’s annual erection, which I imagine was about all the “vetting” that took place.

But all that aside, I’ve been wondering what kind of person Sarah Palin is, so I did a little investigating. Very little: I didn’t even make it off HuffPo this time. Which is a good thing, because I don’t really think of myself as a reporter, so I don’t try to be one. Anyway, I was trying to get a feel for what kind of person she really is, because of all the Faux News hooplah about how Biden had better go soft on Palin during a VP-debate. Because, you know, she’s a woman and all that, so Biden would have to act all chivalrous and gallant and not ask her any hard questions, just like Faux News reporters never would.

Well, naturally, that brought to mind (as it has done for many others), how McCain reacted (or, frankly, didn’t react) to the rude and demeaning things Senator Clinton was called on the campaign trail. You know, the “bitch” incident, and others. He didn’t seem to give much of a shit for (a woman’s) feelings (let alone a semblance of professionalism or human dignity) then (or when he called his own wife a cunt), so why the hell should Joe Biden give a shit about Palin’s emotional well-being? If you take the Faux News spin at face value, the precedent was already set, and it was set facing the exact opposite direction.

Of course, my brief investigation into Palin’s demeanor didn’t contradict what I already knew I’d find, which was that, in fact, Sarah Palin is really quite the bitch ruthless herself.

Then Lester clearly sets the stage for what he is about to say by warning his large audience and Palin. He says, “Governor you can’t say this but I will, Lyda Green is a cancer and a b—-.” Palin laughs for the second time.

So, go figure. She’s inexperienced, but she’s a conservative politician. And just like the conservative pundits who define them, there are only two things that conservative politicians are any good at, and that’s bitching and being bitchy. Although I’m sure Biden will conduct himself honorably, the last thing he really needs to worry about is whether or not the likes of Sarah Palin are going to genuinely tear up just because he says something she might find based in reality truthful exemplary of her personal duplicity painful.

So who really cares how she’d theoretically lead the country if a) McCain really had any hope of getting himself elected as our first mummified president or b) the men-folk in the Party ever let her stray from the White House kitchen clothed and wearing shoes? She can be the biggest bitch in the west, but she’s going to have a hell of a time getting out of the box in which she’s locked her identity.

And that, friends and neighbors, is exactly why Sarah Palin represents conservative females with such great accuracy.

commander other’s note: i’m not really in any way opposed to the Clinton Global Initiative. i simply realized on visiting their website and watching some of the video from this third annual meeting that a hell of a lot of their money is being spent on venue, backdrops, and other things which don’t directly do much at all to support the causes they claim to support. these annual meetings could easily take place in more cost-effective locations. just sayin’—and yes, i realize it’s a terribly easy point to nit-pick, since this is pretty much how everyone does these supposedly world-beneficial things.